New strategy

I have to admit, the queers are NOT going about this whole marriage equality thing logically. Let's take a look at the statistics for moment.

In the United States, between 30 and 50% (depending on what organization you want to trust)of marriages end in divorce.

The average length of a marriage in the US is almost 7 years.

Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered in the US.

1 in 20 men and 1 in 22 women ADMIT to cheating on their spouses, according to a 2003 poll in Men's Health Magazine.

There are 11.9 MILLION single parents in the US.

In making the argument for same-sex marriage, the average homophobic American does not want to hear about how much you love your partner. They don't want to picture those few seconds after some clergy or state official or sea captain utters, "You may now kiss the groom." They don't CARE how committed you are to one another; such pronouncements of tenderness and affection only serve to stimulate the "Ewwww" factor so present in our society.

What do they want to hear about?

Death and taxes.

Explain to your ever so intolerant co-workers that, upon your partner's death, you'd have no legal right to your own house or bank accounts, and they perk right up. Start talking about burying your dead. Everyone loves an excuse to exclaim, "That's not fair!" Give them one.

Talk about taxes. Explain that, no matter how many states legalize same sex marriage, a person will still be taxed for any medical care their "spouse" receives under a joint health care policy. You know that $24,000 dollars you make each year? Remember that $400,000 in chemo your HMO paid out to cover your spouses breast cancer treatment? CONGRATULATIONS! Your income tax return statement will boast that you earned $424,000 this year! You now owe the IRS about $140,000! Will that be cash or check?

(Don't worry... at least you won't have the burden of paying for the funeral arrangements... you're not next of kin!)

Morbid, I know, but this is the stuff that people listen to. Not that love and commitment crap.

How about kids? Kids are expensive, right? All those damn trips to the pediatrician and dentist, not to mention video games, private parties at the hottest hibachi joint in town and all the latest and greatest accessories to go with their brand new rollerskating wheelies.. who has the money for it? On top of that, who has the extra $9,000 laying around for all those lawyer and second parent adoption fees? And whoever's giving birth had sure as hell be the one with the primary insurance... or... remember the lesson we learned about tax returns?

Let's take it a step further. You're hetero. You're married You were unfaithful. You went out and fucked your husband's brother. You thought it was him. Or you didn't. Who cares? Now you're knocked up and you do the noble thing. You tell your husband. He kicks the shit out of his brother and then tells you its ok and you decide to have the child anyway. Who is the legal father of that bastard? Your husband.

Let's keep going. You're gay. You've been with your partner for 12 years. You decide to have a child. You put up with the insane mood swings while she's taking hormones. You spend every weekend sperm shopping. You drive her to the OBGYN almost every other day for 3 months. She's pregnant. You make daily stops at the two-in-one Ben and Jerry's/Taco Bell. You race her to the hospital when its time. You stand there as she screams obscenities and, finally, pushes out a squealing, red faced watermelon. Who is the legal parent of the child? Not you, that's for sure!

The current rhetoric is not working. Love is great, but it don't pay my taxes.